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The Love Résumé

Kirsten Malone

Boston, MA 02120

To Whom it May Concern: 

 

I am currently applying for a position as your partner.  Below is a list of my experiences pertaining to this goal.  As detailed in my résumé, I have many years of training in this area and feel that I would be the perfect choice for a position in your life.  Please contact me via email for more information or for an interview.  References are available upon request. If you are not interested but know someone who may be, please feel free to forward this website.  Any additional comments are also appreciated and can be sent to love_resume@hotmail.com.

 

Thank you for your time, 

Kirsten Malone

(please see résumé below)

kirsten.jpg

Kirsten A. Malone

Objective: a mature and meaningful relationship

Experience

3/2002-6/2002                                                                                                  Boston, MA

James Thomas

¨       High expectations far outweighed reality

¨       Coworkers relocation from city caused impending doom and time restrictions

¨       Coworker experienced difficulty focusing on relationship at hand

¨       Coworker always looking for better position elsewhere

 

 

2/2001-12/2001                                                                                                Boston, MA

Jason Willis

¨       Insanity plea and alcohol dependency of coworker

   used as excuse for bad attitude and control issues

¨       Co-dependency prevents promotion and restricts productivity

¨       Coworker's judgmental behavior and critique used as means to demote ego

¨       Over-productivity increased coworkers insecurity issues

 

 

5/2000- 10/2000                                                                                               Boston, MA

Miguel Gear

¨       Skills and common ground no replacement for honesty

¨       Drug dependency outweighs coworkers need for companionship and desire

¨       Achieved greater disappointment from dealing with coworkers addictions

 

 

10/1997- 3/2000                                                                                               Boston, MA

Joseph Coelho

¨       Developed excellence in complacency

¨       Eerie similarity in both personalities, consequently created twin/doppelganger/narcissism issues

¨       Increased yearly income through co- habitation

¨       Managed meals and some cleaning

¨       Implemented friendship for years after demise of conventional relationship

¨       Increased jobs desirability through wardrobe overhaul and cultural education  of coworker

 

3/1997- 10/1997                                                                                  Boston, MA

David Prior

¨       Expanded  knowledge of Baseball statistics and history

¨       Developed training for long  term relationships

¨       Tripled tensions among outside friendships

¨       Suggested new products and training courses to increase coworker's productivity

 

8/1996- 3/1997                                    

Boston,MA

Paul Abbott

¨       Developed obsession with artistic men

¨       Funded and planned excursions to boost morale

¨       Increased coworker's productivity in artistic endeavors, independent films, and sculpture projects

 

10/1995-01/1996

Peter Fonda                                                                     Boston, MA

¨       Doubled paranoia of infidelity by 100%

¨       Suggested better means to live and create for future

¨       Expanded sales team from 10 to 25

 

08/1993-02/1994

Robert Vaccaro                                                             Boston, MA

¨       Developed internet skills

¨       Doubled productivity thus increasing grade point average

¨       Organized holiday retreat to boost company morale

 

Interests

 

Art, Photography, Music, Collecting Records, Thrift Shopping, Dancing, Bicycling, Traveling, Long Walks On The Beach, Quiet Evenings, Rock Shows